Tuesday, July 8, 2008

La Cucaracha (Paradise Lost)

When Wendy and I first moved into our current (mobile) home, I dubbed it the Trailer of Paradise. We're located on a small lot behind a house in a subdivision (I certainly wouldn't grace this lifeless, sociopathic suburban wasteland with the title of "neighborhood") in the middle of Pensacola. Yet, upon arriving, it almost seemed as though we lived in a little cottage in the country (that is, once the sewage spill beneath the trailer was cleansed). Trees and vegetation abound, with an ancient oak quaintly surrounded by ferns looming over our yard. Squirrels and blue jays and cardinals play. Best of all, our back fence bordered a densely wooded lot that gave the impression that a busy thoroughfare does not in fact run two-hundred yards south of us.

We can see the busy road very clearly now. Construction vehicles ripped nearly every single tree out of the ground in the wooded lot behind our house. We were told that the lady who owns it wants to sell it, and she feels an empty dirt lot would sell more quickly. She may be right, but no one's bought it yet. Nice dirt lot, lady. Nice.

I can put up with a trailer's typical technical problems: broken toilet handle, fridge on the fritz, etc. One expects it. But the vanishing forest quickly diminished our trailers paradisiacal status. That's fine. We still have our front yard, and the variety of woodland creatures still cling to what few trees ring the dirt lot (they kindly left those that pose a threat during hurricanes). It's still fairly quiet around here. But our neighbors have proved increasingly inhospitable. Paradise dwindling.

This morning, paradise lost! We were invaded. I was personally violated! The culprit? Cockroaches!!! I woke up this morning to find a big roach running laps all over my body. It's not a very pleasant experience. I still feel its little feet moving around my neck and down my side. I killed it instantly, of course. And then we changed the sheets. Then I killed another, very big creature-from-hell in the living room closet. The first one woke us up at 6:30 this morning, so after the clean-up, we went to Wal-Mart to buy traps (and groceries). (7am is a good time to shop at Wal-Mart.)

"But are these not also woodland creatures?" one may ask (rather annoyingly, I might add). Yes, but these creatures are supposed to stay in the woods! Oh, we've had cockroaches in the trailer before, but they had never personally violated me. They had not defiled the purity of my flesh with their filthy being as they did this morning. Two other times have I felt the decaying-compost-like touch of their nauseating little feet: in Taiwan (I saw one on my back in a mirror - traumatizing!) and at the B-Side in Valparaiso (I felt one run across my face - or was that my brother Josh's face?). That is one thing I will not abide - cockroaches on my person. I declare this: in this trailer, cockroaches will be hunted down like dogs! There shall be no quarter for cockroaches in this house. I don't care how essential they are for the local ecology; if they stay in their ecology, they won't get smashed. That's the deal, and any cockroach that has a problem with it can taste the underside of my shoe!!!

Wendy and I are moving first chance we get. Here is our new home:

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